idk i really wanna smoke but i’m already really hungry and we have 0 food until my wife comes home…

  • Girlfriend: *sneezes*
  • Me: "Bless"
  • Girlfriend: "Thank"
  • I LOVE TUMBLR. HAHAHA

Proof that my dad is a nerd/we have everything in common

  • Me: Yeah, I need to get home to do laundry tonight
  • Dad: But according to Sheldon, Saturday is laundry night. You can't do your laundry on a Sunday!
  • Me: .......
  • Dad: ......I need a life.

“On a scale of 0 to Micheal Cera, how awkward was that?”